Something happened the night of December 30th, 2014. The day grew dark and the winds picked up speed. I stepped outside right before bed to lock my Jeep and was immediately startled by a dog. It was dark so that I couldn’t tell at first but as she came closer to me I realized that she was my puppy, Ty. “Holy crap the dogs got out!” I said to myself. I pointed to the door and followed her there. I told my dad that the two boys were out and the gate needed to be fixed again. As he went outside in the backyard to look at the gate, I grabbed my car keys and drove off, street after street, to their favorite places and back. If I didn’t beat the pound it would cost an arm and a leg to take them out again. My sister and my dad went searching on foot and took with them our little in-door mutt, Nilla. Surely she would help pick up their scent. They were found by the 7- Eleven up the street from my house so I met my sister and my dad there and thanked this oddly grouped people that were keeping their company. A huge sigh of relief caught my breath when I inhaled. Little shit ass dogs, they scare the crap out of me sometimes. I offered to take my Nilla home with because she was off of the leash and she’s so tiny she fits right in my lap, but my sister said no so I drove off. Three minutes after I got home my dad comes inside with Maverick and shakes his head as he takes his grey hood off and begins to look down he says to my mother, my son and I “You’ll never guess what happened” is such a sad tone and my mom oddly shouts “Nilla got ran over?!” and he astoundingly responded “Yea” still looking down.
It felt as if the world stopped spinning for just a moment.
I handed my mom my 15 month old son before she could even catch a breath and ran as fast as my body physically could run out of the cul de sac and onto the main street, on and on, running fast in slow motion. My heart beat so fast I began to weep and my body began to shake. I wept so loud it echoed down the hushed, late street. I got to where she was and a car was stopped right next to her little, tiny body. She just laid there and didn’t move, didn’t breath, didn’t blink. She was just gone. Forever. I held my face in my hands, sobbing, anxiously breathing. My little brother came running after repeating my same behavior.
I’ve thought about death before, but never in a million years would I have thought that I might react in such a way, that I would feel so numb to the experience. It wasn’t even my dog, still, part of the family but now I can’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to lose my baby Audi. I also don’t know why one of my first thoughts was “what would I do if anything ever happened to my son Zechariah” and it made me feel so, so sad and cold. It made me, for just a moment, feel so very helpless. This was my first, on hand, death experience being mature in thought process.
As my mother came running down the street, weeping, she fell onto one knee as she approached and I needed my brother’s help to hold her up. My sister scooped up Nilla’s body in her jacket and we all slowly walked home, heads hung low, appreciating each other’s breath. We buried her that night in the back yard, as a family, as the full moon glowed brilliantly. We dug up a whole near one of her favorite, sun-bathing spots, in front of a small tree and put her in an empty box of her favorite snack bones. Seeing her eat one was so funny, they were as big as her body. We put her favorite toy in the box with her and also a beautiful love note and we buried her, together. Some heart-felt words were said and all three of the Huskys slept on top of her grave. Since that night, they sleep on top of her grave time to time and they never used to sleep there. It was a surprise they didn’t and have not tried to dig her out. We all miss her very much, she had just turned three and she was our best friend. She taught me a lot about life that night and I dedicate my whole year of 2015 to her sweet, innocent little soul. I do hope to see her delightful face in heaven one day, it gives me hope for tomorrow. She inspired me to follow my dreams and live in each moment. The poem I wrote titled “See You in Paradise” is in her honor.
Rest in paradise friend, until we meet again.
Nilla and Audi, por vida, 2014.